Since the start of this year, I’ve taken time to explore my spirituality, to ask questions (many, many questions!), to welcome the fog of uncertainty and rest in the freedom that is hidden there.
I made a few goals for myself, to use this time to step back from the set beliefs and traditions I’ve grown up with, and to explore my relationship with God and be open to where it may lead me. I’m using this time for reading, thinking, studying, talking with close friends and family, exploring other cultures and beliefs and serving others more humbly as Christ did.
I still question my beliefs, still wrestle with some of the ugly truths I’ve discovered about myself, the bible, religion, and relationships, thus far. But I’ve found that among all these things are seeds of hope and love, and the truth that doubt and uncertainty are not always something to feel guilty about. Without a little doubt, how different would our bible stories play out (Peter walking on water?)?
It is also a strange realization to understand that faith is not always linear, that we all have seasons of certainty, seasons of doubt. The doubt always circles back, but so does the certainty.
My prayer is that if you are wandering, feeling lost or isolated in your doubts, know that you are not alone my friend. The fog fades, eventually, allowing clarity and peace to transcend.
In honor of Good Friday and Easter weekend, I recommend having a listen to this recent musical/artistic offering, Garden by The Liturgists. Here’s how they describe it:
“Garden is a liturgy designed around the movements of lament, doubt, and joy that happen as we move through Good Friday, Holy Saturday, and Easter Sunday. Easter culminates in an ultimate expression of love, and Garden also includes a Centering Prayer exercise focused on God’s love.”
Here’s how I describe it: “It’s awesomely communal, so go have a listen now!” :D
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